I Changed My Mind About: Finishing Every Book I Start

I've said this before. I'm a serious reader. I love to read books. I love to read about books. It's one of my favorite things to do.

I keep a list of books that I want to read. When I read about an interesting book in a blog, Facebook or a book review I love adding it to my list.

I usually put books I want to read on reserve at the New York Public Library. Sometimes I just know that a book is something I'm going to want to live with and refer to often. Then I buy it. Occasionally I'll be in an independent bookstore and this happy browsing will lead to a purchase.

However, the library is very important because if I purchased every book I read I would be in the poorhouse.

I have a couple of friends in the publishing industry and they have sent me books just because they know I will like them. To receive a brand new, just published book in the mail from someone who spends all day long working with authors, manuscripts, and books - a book this individual has selected for me -is a great thing. That is when it's exciting to open the mail.

A typical scenario goes like this. I'll get an email from the library that the book I've reserved is in. I'll take an enthusiastic walk there at my first opportunity. I find my books on the reserve shelf. I'll also take a look at the shelves of new releases to see if anything strikes my fancy.

I'll take the books home with happy anticipation.

Usually the book will be engrossing.  Oftentimes I'll say that it is hard to put down. If I'm reading on the subway I have to be careful not to miss my stop. A book like this makes waiting on line a fine experience. Reading in bed before going to sleep is my reward after a day of hard work.

Some books are just as good, but are more taxing. Maybe it's the flowery, fancy language, the meaty information, the dense storyline. Maybe it's exceptional in some new way. Perhaps I need to stop reading it for a bit in order to process it, then go back in a day.

A few years ago I loosened up one of the reading rules I had for myself. Previously, I'd always read one book at a time. I don't know why I had this rule. I just did.

Then I realized that I could have more than one book going at the same time. Once I tried it, I loved it. So now you'll find me reading the deeply thought provoking We've Got Issues: Children and Parents in the Age of Medication, the paradigm-shifting Necessary Endings: The Employees, Businesses, and RelationshipsThat All of Us Have to Give Up in Order to Move Forward, and I can't wait to see what happens next in a book called Girl In The Dark: A Memoir. Each book feeds different parts of my reading mind. I dip in and out of them. Some books are great when I'm at my peak of energy and brainpower. Others are perfect for winding down and forgetting the cares of the day.

Some excellent books are best read a little at a time. Others are enjoyed quickly, single-mindedly and exclusively. There is room in my life for all kinds of books.

Once in a while, a book enters my life that sets up a conflict in my own mind.

It will be a book I really want to read. I've read intriguing reviews. It has all of the elements of a book that will engage me.

The book will be surprisingly slow going. At first I don't think anything of it. Not every excellent book is a page-turner. Some exert demands. Some do their work more quietly. Many a book pays their dividends later on.

I stick with it. I stick with it no matter what. I am a reader who finishes the books I start. I've always been this way. I thought I'd always be that way.

Until I wasn't.

I started noticing that even with two or three books going at once, there would be that book I wouldn't naturally pick up again. It would feel like a trial to read.  The book seemed to have the logical elements of engagement. But it wasn't connecting.

It was like having a romance where every piece was in place except for the spark.

I started admitting that there are books I do not like. In retrospect, I wonder why it took me so long.

My reading life took a turn. I got to be both kinder and more ruthless at the same time. I took two partially read books back to the library. It didn't change everything. But it changed a lot.

I am liberated from my own rules.

I suddenly had all of the good parts of reading without any self-nagging. I read more now. Books move in and out and sideways. Letting go of the books I thought I should like but didn't opened up some good floodgates for me.

I'm a fan of author Gretchen Rubin's blog and podcast. I enjoyed reading The Happiness Project: Or, WhyI Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right,Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun and am looking forward to delving into her new book, BetterThan Before: Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Lives. On a recent podcast, Rubin spoke eloquently about her struggles with the finish every book rule and her liberation. I then searched her blog for more on the subject and found this. 

Once again, it's fun and gratifying to know it’s not just me with long held belief systems begging to be loosened.

So now each book is an audition. The book has to grab me within a window of time. I'm not going to fire a book after one page. But I'm not making a lifetime commitment to it either.

This post is part of an ongoing series about things I have changed my mind about.

You may also enjoy:

I Changed My Mind About: Down Where The Spirit Meets TheBone

I Changed My Mind About: Cozy Mocs

I Changed My Mind About: It Was A Very Good Year

The Crappy Collage

If you happen to be reading my blog for the first time, let me share something with you. Every time I write a blog post, I make a collage to go with it. For me, blogging and collaging just go together. If you have read my blog before, you already know this about me.

One day recently I wrote a blog post. Naturally, I began making a collage. It was coming together a bit more slowly than usual. I wasn't enjoying the process as much as I normally do. I didn't think much about it. Some days are just like that.

At one point, I considered this collage finished. I didn't want to overwork it. I took it over to my usual photography spot, on top of the flat part of our treadmill. The natural light is really good over there.

I left to run some errands, and pick up Noah at school. While I was out, I was aware of an uncomfortable feeling. I got out my iPhone and looked at the photograph of the collage. I kept putting the iPhone camera away, then getting it out again to look at it.  Finally, after doing this several times, I came to a bit of a difficult realization.

I had made a crappy collage.

This was a very annoying revelation. It was inconvenient. I had set aside a certain amount of time to do two collages. I had been counting on this one being in the can so I could start on the next one. I didn't have all day.

I quickly overcame any resistance I was feeling, and entered the acceptance phase. My thinking changed from whether or not this was a crappy collage or just how crappy it was, to what to do about the crappy collage.

Previously, there would be only one choice for me regarding this crappy collage. I would have to scrap it and start all over again. Anything worth doing right was worth doing perfectly.

I used to be a perfectionist. I didn't think this was such a bad thing, until I wasn't a perfectionist anymore. Once I'd had a massive paradigm shift and this way of dealing with things became a thing of the past, I realized that the previous perfectionism was keeping me from doing anything in a lot of situations. It kept me hostage. It could be paralyzing.

Things feel liberating now that I'm in a different place. If I were to explain how I came to the place of being less of a perfectionist, there would be a short version and a long version of that story.

The short version is extremely short. I could probably confine myself to one word. For the longer version, it could take a good twenty minutes of history and detailing. I am not inclined to tell you either the short or long version now.

I don't rule out a future blog post titled How One Person Broke Through The Self-Imposed Prison Of Perfectionism or Not Perfect And Lovin’ It. If you would like to see a post like that someday, just keep on reading my blog.

Getting back to the crappy collage. Besides rejecting the art work altogether, I considered two other options. One of them was to simply post the crappy collage. This would free me up to move on with collage #2 as planned.

I seriously considered this because I am experimenting with the idea that sharing a crappy collage, crappy writing, a crappy photograph, or even engaging in occasional tiny bits of crappy parenting is not the end of the world. There is much to be said for just getting something done and out there.

The third option was to take an in between approach. I wouldn't just post the crappy collage. I wouldn't start all over again and throw it away. I would work on it some more, without becoming totally obsessed. I started to really warm up to this idea.

I considered just what was making this collage crappy. The main problem was that it was static and boring. I'd had a pre-conceived notion of what I wanted to do in this collage. I had achieved what I set out to do. However, the results were flat and less than exciting.

What this collage needed was a little well considered dissonance. I did some brainstorming on the subway. When I got home, I quickly cut out some elements from magazines that added some color and surprise, while still making sense for the overall concept. I also found some stuff on the Internet.

The process of finishing it took about twenty minutes. I then got started with collage #2 and that one came together rapidly. I got into a pleasant flow state, which is what usually happens when I make a collage.

Then I took them both over to the treadmill and photographed them.

In case you're wondering which collage was the formerly crappy one, I'm not saying at this time. Since it turned out well, it is all water under the bridge as far as I'm concerned.

If you're thinking that all of my collages are crappy anyway, I have considered that possibility.  I might like them all now, but think they are crappy in the future after I become better and better at making collages.

I have chosen not to dwell on this. I will cross that bridge when I come to it.

I'm not going to worry about something that might never happen, like my changing my mind about all of my collages.

I’m also not going to worry about who likes which collage, who thinks they are all crappy, who doesn’t like anyone’s collages no matter what, who thinks that my collages are wonderful, but that my writing is crappy. I'm going to just keep making collages, and see what happens.