Something big is happening. You’re a major player, not somebody on the sidelines.
You’re feeling exclusively happy about it. You’re ready to shout from the rooftops. Or it’s quiet relief. A sense that things are working out exactly as they should.
You don’t know this yet, but you need to acknowledge the sadness. Let it lap over you. Every blessed event, no matter how anticipated, has loss attached. If you don’t wade out to meet it, it will come for you later. Meet it halfway.
Maybe instead, it’s a shit show. You’ve been singled out for a private hell that has your name written all over it. It hits you where you live.
Eventually, that dark feeling is going to have to soften. If this rotten thing has something okay attached, however tenuous, give it a name and let it sit at the table.
You’ve made a brand new friend in the waiting room or wherever you find yourself that you never wanted to be. Also, now you have the get out of jail free card for all the crappy stuff you never liked doing anyway.
All of this insomnia means you saw this kick-ass sunrise. The fact that you’d hoped to never see the sunrise, because that’s a time when people living blessed lives are still sleeping, shouldn’t dampen that moment because that’s exactly what I’m talking about.
Damn anyone who finds that silver lining before you. That isn’t their job.
Let it in on your time.
If there is no nuance or gradation then you’re missing something. This is not meant to be sequestered or cordoned off. You hold them both together.
If something big is happening and you’re feeling bittersweet and complicated, seeing some cracks in the foundation, seeing the foundation present in the cracks, then thank you for reading this, but honestly, you’re doing it already and you don’t need any help from me.
From the archives:
These Are My Subjects
Shana Tova
Yes, Please
